Creator
Dating with your eyes wide open: New Rules for an old game
“When self-respect takes its rightful place in the psyche, you will not allow yourself to be manipulated by anyone” Unknown
Have you ever rushed through the supermarket and in your haste bought a bad piece of meat?
Rather than taking the time to appropriately examine the meat, you grabbed the first piece of meat that “looked good” and raced home to cook it.
In this hypothetical story, I am referring to “meat” as “men”.
Why do we chose some of the men that we do as women? Many of us women, know a girlfriend, sister, mother or even a grandmother who in her haste to find someone to love, continually dated partners who ended up like that bad piece of meat from the supermarket in my story.
According to Toby Thompkins who works as a life coach and professional speaker on the topics of personal growth, relationships and cultural and social healing, many of us are actually better at reading the labels and checking the expiration date on an actual piece of meat from the supermarket than we are at heeding the warning signs that can appear in a new relationship.
TOBY THOMPKINS
The reality is that in the Caribbean alone there are too many single women who end in unhealthy relationships or become single parents. Also, let’s not forget unfortunate societal issues such as STD’s and AIDS.
See my previous article with more information on AIDS:
https://teneishajohnson.wixsite.com/dream/w-h-o-is-it
Mr. Thompkins also stated that most black women are typecast in one of two roles:
“The Makers of Men or the Breakers of Men”
Do you relate to either of the above roles?
Five Signs of a Good Man
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He knows your value- Remember men know when a woman doesn’t value herself and some will take advantage of it.
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He must be honest- If you meet a man who is willing to put everything on the table, give him a second look. An honest man’s words should match his actions.
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He can turn his dreams into a reality- A man’s potential is what he has when he isn’t doing anything. A good man is a man who is ready, willing and able to turn his dream into a reality.If he’s full of dreams but has not created a game plan and following through, take note. If he is only interested in complaining about why he can’t do what he is meant to do, watch out!
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He can tell you when he is hurt- Practicing emotional self-care is not only for women. If you meet a man who cannot tell you when he is hurt, watch out! men who are abusive or prone to emotional and physical abandonment are typically men who are not able to deal with the hurt that has accumulated in their lives.
See my previous article:
Smooth Criminal? Love the way you Lie: Traumatic Bonding
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Last but definitely not the least! He embodies compassion (my favorite and sexists quality). How does he treat other people?
Remember ladies, keep your eyes open!
Don’t waste time on Fantasy Relationships
According to Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schmeider, coauthors of The Rules I and The Rules II, when a man is interested in a woman-he finds some way to ask her out.
He will figure out some way to see her as often as he can. End of discussion.Full stop.
Fantasy Relationship #1
Your accountant calls you over the weekend to remind you to submit your tax forms before April 15. You think because he called you on Saturday at home instead of during the week at work, that he must really like you.
What does The Rules say?
Many accountants work on the weekend. The lines between work and home, during-the-week and weekends can get very blurry in their occupation. Unless he suggested dinner, don’t read into it.
Fantasy Relationship #2
You think the waiter at the restaurant you go to twice a week likes you. because he always remembers how you like your eggs and coffee. You think he is being more attentive to you because he likes you.
What does the Rules say?
Waiters/Waitress are in the service business. It’s normal and actually proactive to remember a regular customer’s preference as a waiter/waitress. Everyone likes to be made to feel special. If this Waiter/Waitress really likes you, he/she will let you know directly and ask you out on a date. End of discussion. Full stop.
I repeat, when a man is really interested in a woman, he will figure out a way to ask her out.
Please note however that I still believe in daydreaming and its okay to day dream about your sexy Financial Planner, but keep it to yourself.
The danger lies in thinking there’s a relationship there that does not exist. Women who are absorbed in fantasy relationships usually don’t have real ones.
